Oxytocin: ‘losing your Moxy is down to oxy’
(Title quote comes from the fascinating Dr Mindy Pelz)
When we think about menopause, and our sex hormones, we tend to focus on oestrogen, and to a lesser extent progesterone and testosterone. They’re not the only players here though. Oxytocin, nicknamed the love hormone, is what enables us to feel a sense of connection with others. It’s what we experience when we get a warm glow when we hug someone, snuggle with a pet, or hold an infant. It is, in some sense, one of the ways in which we feel love. Oestrogen stimulates the production of oxytocin[2].
And guess what? When we go through menopause, the seismic shifts in our hormones, particularly the play-off between oestrogen and cortisol, mean that we generate less oxytocin[3]. It’s why some women get a real sense of detachment during menopause. Why you might feel a bit distant from folks around you (and in part, loss of libido btw, but that’s a whole other story). Decreasing levels of oxytocin may well contribute to us feeling less sociable, withdrawn even, and less forgiving, less tolerant. It is part of the picture that creates an image of grumpy old woman. Sound familiar?
Oxytocin is particularly associated with childbirth – its part of what facilitates birth and the formation of the mother-baby bond. Breast feeding prompts it too, and post-partum depression can in part be due to oxytocin levels dropping afterwards[4].
Living with reduced oxytocin during the menopause years, alongside all the other physical, emotional and mental upheaval is one thing but then when you add in the impact of cancer, regardless of where we are in our cancer ‘journeys’, it’s no wonder that we can feel unhappy. Menopause and cancer combined can feel relentlessly joyless and heavy. I felt a sense of burden, like I was weighed down, for months and months after my diagnosis, not helped by the coronavirus pandemic which kicked off at exactly the same time.
Reduced oxytocin is a significant part in this sense of joylessness. When I learnt about it, I felt quite a sense of relief – it wasn’t me, it was my hormones, or rather lack of them! I was telling a very lovely woman at Maggies about it the other day and she went a bit quiet and then said ‘Thank you for telling me that. I could kiss you… I think my husband might want to kiss you too’. I wish we all knew about oxytocin – and bless them, our nearest and dearest – as it really does explain a thing or two.
So, other than acknowledging that there’s less of it about, what can we do to offset the situation? You will not be surprised to read this as it’s me writing, but exercise is one way that we can encourage our bodies to produce oxytocin – and you also get a dose of endorphins (our happy hormones) at the same time.
Music, particularly singing with others has been found to help[5], so go check out your local Rock Choir.
Physical contact, such as massage – giving as well as receiving, or other forms of physical contact like hugging, can prompt it, as can yoga and meditation and laughter. Being around animals, giving gifts and random acts of kindness can all stimulate oxytocin too[6]
One of the big lessons for me about looking after myself is to allow priority for some things that otherwise may have fallen by the wayside, such as relaxation. Once I understood the significance and value of oxytocin, I felt I had permission – from self, let alone others – to make time in my day to make me some. I hope you do too.
And from love, to heat…
Cool breathing for hot flushes
This is a trick I learned from the fabulous Vicky Fox[7] (author of ‘Yoga for cancer’ and ‘Time to repair’ and a superb yoga teacher). I can’t always do it, but it is one way to get hold off a hot flush when you feel one coming on and can feel really calming. I find it effective when I’m in a situation that I can control a bit – on my own, rather than when I’m interacting with other people. It’s a pretty natty little trick.
When you feel the heat rising, make a little dip, or groove in your tongue, as if you were curling the tip or the edges of your tongue upwards. If you can’t curl your tongue, instead purse your lips as if you were going to drink through a straw. Take a relatively fast, long breath in and notice the sense that as the air travels over your tongue it feels cool. Exhale through your nose and imagine you’re breathing out heat. I sometimes imagine a dragon, breathing fire. Do it again: breathe in cool, breathe out heat. And again – cool inwards, heat outwards. Focus on a gentle rhythm where each breath allows you to feel a little bit cooler, and to part company with a bit more heat.
All will be calm very soon.
[1] Podcast ‘Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee’, episode #392 - How to burn fat, sleep better & live in harmony with your hormones with Dr Mindy Pelz. Available on Apple, Spotify.
[2] https://www.womensinternational.com/blog/portfolio-items/oxytocin/ access 15.01.24
[3] Dr Mindy Pelz ;The Menopause Reset’ p.38
[4] https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/oxytocin-the-love-hormone, accessed 15.01.24
[5] https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/oxytocin-the-love-hormone
[6] Dr Mindy Pelz ;The Menopause Reset’ p.108
[7] https://vickyfox-yoga.com